Brother (Letters to my Dearest Brother)
by MissDiRed
Summary: It wasn't him. He didn't want that. But now, all he can do is grieve. Grieve over loss of ones he loved the most, and over his own weakness. And pray into nothingness that will never hear his pleas. Part 1 of the Confess and Forgive series.


I like Dreyfus. And I like Hendrickson. And I decided to give them love they deserve.

**Beware the spoilers!**

* * *

_Brother. _

_You can't possibly imagine, how much I miss you. And how much I regret._

_I didn't want to kill you. I really didn't. Yes, I was envious of you – of your power, of respect you rose with every step you took. But I was your brother, and you were mine, the same blood we had shared since the day we were born._

_You did not deserve to die. Not like this, not at all._

_You were one of the kindest people I've ever known, stepping aside only for Hendrickson and Anna. But you were also strong, never stepped back, and you knew your goals. They always were clear to you – to fight, to protect. I looked up to you, you were an example, a star that leads the way._

_But I was also envious. Envious of everything I admired – of your power, of your kindness, of your strength, and courage, and everything you were. Because you were so perfect, my brother. An example to look for, but I was always living in your shadow… I didn't want that. You knew, and you helped me. You always helped, and assured. But I still was envious._

_He said his name was Fraudrin, and I knew by that time, that it was already too late. He was – or, what was left of him – a demon. Real demon from Demon Clan. I didn't want that. This body, it was mine. Mine, and mine alone, not his. He was just a vermin, a vermin I couldn't extinguish._

_It wasn't my fault. He – Fraudrin – planned it, and he did it. With my own hands. But, it was also my fault. For not being able to fight him off. For allowing him to... Kill you._

_Hendricksen was like a brother to me. Younger, a little bit naïve and too nice, but dear to my heart. Very dear. He was also my best friend, the only true friend I've ever had. But after that, we drifted apart. I could hear him – Fraudrin – whisper to his ear to do things he should never do. I saw him progressively taint my friend's soul, and I couldn't do anything. I failed. I failed everything – you, Hendrickson, me, everyone._

_I wish you were here with me, in those dark times. I wish you helped me, with him, with me, with bringing Hendrickson back to light, back to being my brother, my friend. I really miss you, and I miss Hendrickson, and he feels it. And laughs, and feeds of it. And he wants more._

_I know I'm beyond asking for forgiveness, but I beg of you – protect them. Your son, Gil, and my son, Griamor. And Hendrickson, for I hope for him to see the light once again. I don't care about myself, just let ones I love be safe from evil roots of Demon Clan._

_I miss you. I really miss you, Zaratras, my brother._

* * *

And with that, Dreyfus, the Great Holy Knight throws the ink away, hot, salty tears running down his face, splattering on the paper. He knows he can tell no one, he can never share the secret about the demon with him. He knows that all he can do is to sit and watch hopelessly as the ones he love walk into darkness.

And so, he looks at the letter he wrote, splattered with tears as his throat aches. He stands up and puts the wet paper into the little book he has, filled with other loose papers, and places it in the very bottom of his desk, never to be read.

Those are his confessions and his sins. The secrets he must keep but can't bottle within himself. Letters he wrote within years after his brother's death, all addressed to the deceased man, all pleading for help and safety of ones he loved, but never for himself.

And he keeps writing, until he can, hoping his prayers will be listened one day.

For Griamor, his son, and for Giltunder, his nephew. For Hendrickson, his dearest brother-friend.

And deep down within him, Fraudrin laughs.

* * *

Anna - name of Dreyfus' wife, Griamor's mother.

Fraudrin - the demon that possessed Dreyfus and forced him to kill Zatras, thus leading to events from Nanatsu no Taizai.


End file.
